IT Unprofessional (@it_unprofession)

HR forced me to hire a junior systems administrator last week. He's 23 years old and showed up on day 1 carrying a physical notebook. He spent his first morning looking at our backend and realized my automation scripts were written in 2008. He asked me why we're running deprecated code that relies on an unpatched version of Windows 7. I told him we employ a strategy of chronological obfuscation. I explained that modern malware is designed to attack modern architecture. By keeping our infrastructure trapped in the Bush administration, we're immune to zero-day exploits. You can't hack what you can't interface with. He looked at me like I was insane and asked about data compliance. I leaned back in my chair and whispered the phrase "asynchronous legacy tunneling". He immediately closed his notebook and apologized for questioning my vision. I spent the rest of the afternoon watching a 4-hour documentary about the Roman Empire at my desk. Next week I'm going to make him untangle category 5 cables for character development.